Category Archives: emotional healing wounds

Manifesting what you want can be easy!


One of the things I’ve come across repeatedly when I’ve read about manifestation and the Law of Attraction is the need for gratitude.

In general this seems to be a common theme because people believe that intense emotion is necessary to manifest anything.

The “best” emotions for manifestation, according to many commentators on the Law of Attraction, are gratitude and joy – that is to say, the feelings you might imagine you’ll feel when you’ve successfully manifested your goals. You can read about these emotions, and how you might embody more of them in your life by studying shadow work.

And of course, it’s certainly true that if you’re not going to be feeling joy and excitement at the prospect of manifesting your deepest desires, then there’s probably something wrong with the goal you’ve chosen!

Video – Influence your reality

However, I’ve also come across a viewpoint which I think is equally valid, which is that any intense emotion will do. It doesn’t have to be positive, like joy and gratitude, but it can be negative, like anger or even rage.

There’s no question in my mind that the manifestation process depends on you putting out high levels of energy, and that these levels of energy can be either positive or negative. This is explained by the concept of shadow, which can be the driving force behind much of our energy.

That’s because the universe has no capacity to distinguish between positive emotion and negative emotion – in the universal space there is no such thing as good or evil, or positive or negative.

It’s not the universe’s job to make value judgements about whether we are in the right or the wrong, or to make moral judgements – indeed, it’s incapable of doing so because in the universal space, the maxim that applies to everything is this: “what is, is”.

Now I know this is hard to imagine because a lot of people believe that God is love, but the truth of the matter is that God is everything.

And if God is everything, then God must be good and evil, love and hatred, night and day, dark and light.

Nonetheless, this is not the place to engage in any kind of debate about the philosophy of the universal intelligence or the nature of God – our purpose here is solely to consider what might be necessary to manifest things successfully, and as far as that criterion is concerned, it’s evident that all we need is a lot of powerful emotion.

Having said all that, a guest post by Matt Clarkson here is worth reading. He starts by saying that we’ve all seen The Secret, we’ve all read about the Law of Attraction, and we’ve all tried to manifest what we want… And then he asks the $64,000 question: why is it so hit and miss?

And he provides some suggestions as to why this is!

First of all, Matt suggests there is an inherent danger – dramatic words indeed, so let’s read on and see if he’s right about that – which comes from working with the law of attraction: he claims it has the capacity to absolutely destroy anything you do in your attempt to manifest your desires. Here it is:

The very act of wanting something may carry “the energy of lack”.

And he makes a very valid point, of course, because when we are manifesting something, it’s generally because we perceive a lack of something in our lives – in other words, you literally feel that you don’t have something, and the emotional tone of thoughts which go with that knowledge could be deprivation, fear, shortage and lack… these being the kind of things which can really have a negative impact on the process of manifestation.

This idea depends on the philosophy that “like attracts like”.

In other words, if you’re sitting in negative energy while you’re trying to co-create reality with manifestation, then the chances of you being successful may be diminished by the fact that the Law of Attraction and manifestation, as governed by the universal intelligence, is actually responding to your dominant feeling state rather than the image of abundance you are summoning up.

And of course, if what you’re feeling is anxiety and fear and a sense of lack, that may be what the Law of Attraction will actually respond to.

This is a real problem for many people, because it’s so logical and seems fairly obviously true – therefore, the question is, what can you do to get over this problem?

And the answer seems to be to feel gratitude.

To make gratitude a daily practice – in other words to find things in your life (and there are many – and that is true regardless of how bad your life might appear to be right now) for which you can be grateful.

You need to spend time – perhaps as much as 20 minutes in the morning and 20 minutes in the evening –  feeling your gratitude for the things that actually are going right in the world for you ….. which might be as simple as the fact you have food to eat and you are still alive.

But here’s a question asked by many people – how can you be grateful for something that you haven’t yet manifested?

Well, the very fact that you’re trying to manifest something means your desired objective already exists – at least in consciousness.

Keep in mind there is no distinction between positive and negative in the universal intelligence, nor is there any distinction between past, present and future.

In other words, the instant you set an intention and summon up an image of some goal in your consciousness, well, it exists right now in potential form.

If that seems like a stretch for you to believe, imagine this: every single thing that exists around you first existed as an idea in somebody’s mind. And then, somehow, it manifested into a physical form on the planet Earth.

Gratitude has more to it than just the purpose of getting you into a frame of mind where you’re thinking about the existence of what you’re “programming for” (that simply means visualizing something).

Yes, it does – gratitude is a powerful factor in determining how happy you feel in the present moment.

If you doubt this, simply practice feeling gratitude for three weeks morning and evening, and see how your mood changes. It’s almost phenomenal, but it is a reality – to maintain a positive and healthy mental attitude in life, you only need to practice gratitude for all the things  in your life you can be thankful for.

(Which of course contrasts with an attitude of lack and desperation and wanting: all of which contribute to negative feelings, mostly unhappiness and fear.)

Even so, I want to make the point that gratitude isn’t the only positive and powerful force that will enable you to manifest things very quickly.

Manifesting With Desire

You can also use desire to fuel manifestation.

Of course when we talk about desire we’re not talking about just a simple “wish” that something might happen. We’re talking about a feeling of wanting something so intense and so strong that nothing could possibly come between you and its manifestation.

You see, feeling desire –  passionate desire –  means you are so set on some particular objective that you will do whatever it takes to get it.

And it also implies that no matter what intuition or inspirations may come to you, you will explore them – because you know that following your intuition is the route to success.

Desire –  intense desire, passionate desire –  is a powerful emotion which can help you to overcome fear.

That helps you overcome your procrastination, your fear of action, and enables you to take action in a very positive and powerful way.

Desire is emotion which may literally make the difference between manifesting something and failing to achieve anything at all.

When you practice intense desire – with or without gratitude – you’re going to discover that little things start to happen… they simply suggest you’re on the right track.

And then, as your success is reinforced, you will find things begin to change faster and faster, and as they change faster and faster, so you will believe more and more in the achievement of your objective, and as you believe more in what you’re trying to achieve, so it will manifest faster.

This is a beautiful example of positive feedback which is irresistible, and to which the Law of Attraction can only respond by giving you what you want.

So when you’re focusing on something you really want it’s going to appear much faster than it otherwise would.

Which brings us on to this question: how can you increase your desire so that it’s going to aid the process of manifestation?

The first and most obvious thing to do is to make sure you’re trying to manifest something which is really important to you.

Consider your soul purpose or mission in life. How much more important is it for you to find your true purpose on the planet while you live here than simply to acquire a brand-new car?

And while it may be really important for you to have the status symbol – or the fun and pleasure – of a new car, I suspect you, like the majority of people, will be more fulfilled and feel happier, if you are truly fulfilling your basic purpose on the planet.

And of course finding your purpose may in itself be a route to manifesting large quantities of money, but that’s not my point.

I’m just saying that when you focus on the things which are really important to you (in other words if you focus on your deepest values and beliefs), then you’re more likely to be successful in your manifestation than if you focus on material goods.

To focus on feeling good, do whatever takes you into a space of emotional positivity and enjoyment – sing, dance, make love, play with your partner or children… whatever raises your energy to a high vibrational state (in other words, an intense positive state) will help you to manifest things faster.

And when you’re in state where you can maintain high levels of positive energy all the time, you’re pretty much well on the way to manifesting your reality.

Resolving Emotional Issues That Prevent Success

A Word About Emotional Healing Workshops

Imagine that when you were a child your mother was too concerned with her own emotional wounds and difficulties to provide you with the loving care and attention you deserved. Maybe she was openly hostile or somehow conveyed the message she didn’t love you. Ever since then you’ve found it hard to trust women or to open yourself fully in an intimate relationship.

Instinctively you know this lack of trust and openness arises because somewhere inside you there’s a young and tender “inner child”, a part of you which was wounded by your mother’s actions. You also instinctively realise that as an adult man, making yourself vulnerable to women may open you to re-experiencing that pain.

Or maybe you don’t realise that, because every time you get into a relationship, the same thing happens – you get hurt again, or you regress to being a little boy with his mummy. That’s because of the unconscious beliefs inside you which only know a certain way of being with a woman.

That’s just how it is. At some time, for some very good reason, you unconsciously created a set of beliefs about how you “have to be” in a relationship with a woman if you’re to get love, or what passes for love. Of course, this was all based on what you learned about relationships with women from your mother.

No matter what the exact situation, this example illustrates why we all behave in ways which recreate emotional challenges or pain, or indeed a total or partial lack of success.

And you won’t really understand why you aren’t successful – in love, or business, or life more generally.  I could offer you hundreds of examples of why men (and women) come to my, and other facilitators’, emotional healing workshops. Only the details differ, the principles are the same, whatever we are dealing with. Speaking of which, what are we dealing with? You name it, we work to repair, heal, and rebalance it. This is the essence of shadow work.

What’s going on here? When we do not get what we want, we have put some essential quality of ourselves out of sight, repressed and denied some fundamental aspect of who we are. This denial or repression is called putting aspects of ourselves into shadow. And although we may know that we put anger, sadness and so on into shadow, we may not be so clear that we are putting strength wisdom, power, expectation, positivity, hope, faith, love and so n into shadow. That is often why we cannot make money or achieve other measures of success. (Read more about the human shadow here.)

Robert Bly spoke of how grief was the unexpressed burden of so many men. Loss of loved ones, lack of love. Shame, humiliation, disrespect. Boarding school. Bullying. Issues with sexuality. Lack of sexual interest. Absent fathers (oh, the number of men who had inadequate or absent fathers). Absent mothers. Smothering mothers. Narcissistic mothers. Angry mothers. Abuse, be it sexual, physical, or emotional. Your lack of leadership in your own life. Not knowing what you want, or not knowing how to get what you want. A sense of powerlessness, impotence or inadequacy. Lack of self esteem. Poor boundaries, an inability to say no. Lack of assertiveness.

Not knowing what love is or how to find it. Being overwhelmed by the need for love. Inability to stand up to the masculine. Inability to stand firm in the face of the feminine. Not feeling masculine, or feeling too feminine. Dysfunctional behaviour. Loneliness. Lack of friendships. Rage, grief, despair. Not seeing any reason to live. Life purpose, and its absence. Addictions. Depression. Despair. Unmourned losses and the grief you carry.

Well. You get the idea, I’m sure.

Video – Robert Bly speaks about the emotional wounds of men.

Emotional Process Work / Shadow Work

Is it too much to suggest that before you can achieve success (whatever that means to you) you must heal your emotional wounds?

In short, no. Watch this video to discover why.

Shadow work video: a means of healing emotional wounds.

Shadow work in groups

In a shadow work or emotional process work group workshop, participants and facilitators start by getting to know and trust each other, so the group develops both strength and safety; enough safety for everyone to explore their problems and challenges, their desire for change, without the fear of being hurt once again.

My colleagues and I are noted for creating a safe “container” in which men (and women in our mixed groups) are safe from being shamed and are in control of the process at all times. Men and women who place their trust in us deserve our respect, and they can stop the process at any point if they feel it is not going in the right direction for them.

There are many ways we can explore and “hold” the parts of you which carry your emotional wounds. There are many techniques available which allow us together to replay the drama of the past, and this time give it a different outcome. It’s like rewriting the last act of the play so that you get the outcome you desire – which in the example at the start of this session might be the ability to open up to women and show your vulnerability so that you can give and receive love fully, openly, and without feeling fear.

The results of our process work can be truly miraculous, because they go right back to the heart of your deepest emotional issues. Our techniques work fast because they are action-oriented and direct. In fact I believe that three months of one-to-one classic counselling or talking therapy is equivalent to a 90 minute session of deep personal work in a group setting, a safe space where you can re-enact your drama and experience a different outcome. Most of the wounds which men and women experienced during childhood were borne alone, so to be witnessed doing your personal healing work in a group can be powerfully restorative and reparative in itself. In addition, each group generates a very special heart-centred energy which helps to hold the participants and hasten their emotional transformation.

One To One Work On Your Shadow

A very good alternative is to do your personal emotional healing work in a one-to-one setting with a qualified facilitator, a shadow healer, well experienced in working with these emotional wounds and issues. There are many of these facilitators – for example, see the register of certified shadow work practitioners on the Healing The Shadow website.

Sure, the techniques are different, but the outcome can is just as dramatic: you will quickly resolve the issues you want to change. The benefit of working in a group is that you are not alone. 

The benefit of working one to one is that you can move at the pace which suits you best. The session is more focused on you, and you have the full attention of the facilitator for as long as you are in the room.

Perhaps the best way of doing your work is to combine a series of personal session with a group session every three months or so. This seems to really speed up progress for most people.